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The Future of the Wurfians

Wurf Wurfians Little People news

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#21
caltrek

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caltrek news - The Wurfian monetary crisis continues. Currency experts had thought that the Wurfian currency had stabilized when a report was issued that the paper does make for good insulation and lining of bird cages.  However, subsequent reports have found that the ink from the currency is sufficiently toxic so as to make it dangerous to concentrate it as insulation.  Apparently, the ink will break down over time and release its toxins into the environment.  Such a toxic release also is dangerous for birds.  With this report, the value of the Wurfian dollar on international exchanges plummeted even further. 

 

All hope of pegging the Wurfian dollar to that of a foreign currency failed last year, when an attempt was made to peg it to the currency of Venezuela. Compared to Wurf, the Venezuelan currency holds its value relatively well.  Then Venezuela announced that it would not accept Wurfian dollars as a legitimate currency.

 

President Thump could not be reached for comment, as he was reportedly working on the budget for the Kingdom of Wurf.  Preliminary indications were that budgeted expenditures would be slashed dramatically, partly in response to the currency crisis. Reportedly, however, plans to cut the palace budget were shelved upon the urging of Mrs. Thump.  Word had leaked out that one of her aides had suggested she cut back on new shoe purchases for her personal use.  The aide has not been heard from since and many fear for his safety.  Last year's budget included a new warehouse for Mrs. Thumps shoes. Construction proceeded ahead of schedule on the warehouse, one of the few capital projects in the Wurf government to be ahead of schedule.  


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#22
caltrek

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caltrek news -President Thump startled the world to today with an absolutely stunning announcement.

 

"It has come to my attention that the people of Wurf no longer trust my presidency, nor do they trust my opponent," he said.  "Therefore, I have decided to turn over all functions of government to my newly purchased calculator."  At this, a murmur could be heard form the minions who were attending his pronouncement.

 

"To demonstrate the incredible power of this thinking machine, I will now give it a problem to solve." 

 

Slowly, President Thump typed into the calculator "2 + 2 ="   He then pressed and "enter" key.  The calculator came forth with the answer "4".

 

Gasps of disbelief swept through the minions.   One minion was heard to say "I knew it, I knew that was the answer."  

 

Minion economists in the audience shifted uncomfortably in there seats.

 

 "With this tool", Thump continued, "I can balance the nation's budget and ensure prosperity for all."

 

"All that it takes is for you minions to have faith, for with that faith we can truly remake the world."   

 

Reactions to Thump's announcement were mixed. "What does he mean that he will turn over the functions of government to the calculator?"  asked one known skeptic.  Another pointed out that first Thump had indicated he would turn over the functions of government to the calculator, and then he indicated that he would use the calculator as a tool.  "These are two different propositions."

 

The Prophet Exactly complained bitterly about the announcement.  "It is nothing but a shallow and contemptible attempt to introduce western linear logic into Wurfian civilization.  Such attempts are by nature doomed to failure."

 

The Wizard of Odd wondered if this would stop the perpetual problem he was having with people knocking on his palace door demanding an audience.  

 

The Ewoks seemed to take it all in stride, while the leprechauns grew increasingly agitated. 

 

All in all, the announcement received a rather mixed reception.


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#23
caltrek

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16113958_1237425136306026_42553688703489


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The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#24
caltrek

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Dear Pwesident Thump,

 

I think you are da smartest man on da planet.  I think you are so smart that you should prove to the world that you do not need to be pwesident. We all know that in eight years we will all be saying that you were a better pwesident than that fellow that came before you. So you do not have to work hard to prove that.  You can just resign and let that Penst fellow take over.  I bet you if you did that it wouldn't bother you so much that you lost your pacifier. Or was it stolen?


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#25
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Adapted from an article entitled “Don’t Know Much About History” by Al Diamond, first published in the Portland Phoenix, February 9, 2017.

 

Welcome to History 101 at Thump University.  I’m your professor, Paul LePage.

 

In this class, you’ll learn the true history of the United States of Wurf, free of political correctness and so-called scientific facts.  After completing his course, you’ll see the world in a new light. A Wurfian White light. 

 

Let’s start where our problems began – with the Big Bang.  This was a socialist plot to redistribute all matter equally, a sort of cosmic Medicaid expansion.  Under this Marxist scheme, galaxies populated by welfare-loafing aliens got as many molecules a those hard-working Wurfians. This manipulation was solar-powered, a left wing experiment in expensive alternative energy.  And don’t get me started on dark matter or black holes. We wouldn’t have drug problems if that stuff had been nipped in the bud.

 

On the other hand, there were white dwarf stars, sort of like your local Congressman. Only brighter. Eventually, the earth formed. Great Heroes like Adam and Eve, King Arthur and Charlemagne conquered the dinosaurs and established human civilization.  Next came the Roman Empire, which had excellent roads and jobs for everyone as gladiators or supporting actors in lion-related entertainment. In 1492, our ancestors sent Christopher Columbus to discover Caribbean vacation resorts and develop the cruise ship industry.

 

…In World War I, the U.S. bailed out the Brits and the French, thanks to brilliant leadership from President Winston Churchill and Nick Fury, who became an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.  It was Nick Fury who ended the conflict by nuking Japan, thereby eliminating competition from the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.  Or maybe that was World War II.  No matter, because President Ronald Wreckland ended the Cold War by defeating  ISIS.  He then erected a wall between the U.S.W and Mexico called the Berlin Wall.  This wall was subsequently torn down, which proved to be a huge mistake. One President Thump has committed himself to correcting. We hope that he does, so that all the world can be like the land of the Wurfs


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#26
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In their defense, it is hard to tell the difference. 

 

 El Nacional confused actor Alec Baldwin with his spoof target, President Donald Trump.

 

 

 

 

The Dominican Republic's El Nacional confused actor Alec Baldwin with his spoof target, President Donald Trump.

 

El Nacional apologized Saturday after identifying Baldwin as President Donald Trump, whom the actor impersonates regularly on NBC's "Saturday Night Live" to critical praise and Trump's oft-tweeted displeasure.
 
On Friday the newspaper published a photo of the actor along with a caption calling him, "Donald Trump, president of the USA." The photo accompanied a news article about Israeli settlements which also had a photo of (the actual) Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu.
Oops.
 
"The situation went unnoticed by those who revised page 19," the newspaper said in a statement Saturday. "El Nacional apologizes to its readers and anyone who felt affected" by the error, it said.

170210190441-alec-baldwin-donald-trump-s


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#27
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tinytrumpfeature.jpg

 

Reddit Is Photoshopping Tiny Versions Of Trump Into Official Pictures.


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#28
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The Thump administration announced it's latest Cabinet appointment.  Kelly Anne Conartaway will be serving as Secretary of the Department of Double Think. In making his announcement, President Thump noted that double think is a major Wurfian export.  He expressed confidence in Kelly Anne's ability, citing in particular here aptituded for dealing with alternative facts.  Kelly Anne is also know for her sage advice to Mrs. Thump on the all important issue of procurement of royal footware. "Stay way for Nordstrom's" is a well remembered statement of hers.


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#29
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President Thump sat in the bleachers watching the Wurfian basketball team play against a close rival. He became increasingly agitated at the team's inability to score.  Suddenly, he bolted out of his seat and marched up to the team captain.

 

"You are fired!"  he shouted at the  startled captain.

 

The coach quickly jumped into the discussion.  "But Donald,"  he exclaimed " who will be captain of our team now? Who will play center?"

 

"Simple,"  explained Thump.  "I will be the captain and play center, and it will be great."

 

The stunned coach realized there was no point in further discussion and retreated to the sidelines.

 

Thump then turned to the team and gave a few quick instructions, the gist of which was that he was to be handed the ball once the team was able to take possession.  Soon, the opportunity arose, and Thump was handed the ball. Almost immediately, a whistle was blown.  A traveling foul was called upon Thump.

 

"You can't call that foul on me," exclaimed Thump.

 

The referee ignored his complaint and proceeded to enforce the foul call.

 

"Ok, that is it,"  grumbled Thump, "you are fired.  You obviously are biased against me so you are fired."

 

The startled referee looked at Thump and then patiently explained "you don't have the power to fire me.  I work for an international sports association."

 

Thump looked over to the coach, who reluctantly nodded his agreement with the referee's explanation.

 

Then he looked over to his team mates, all of whom looked down upon his diminutive stature. "Very well," he exclaimed "I can still win this game, even with a biased referee against me."

 

So play resumed.  Once again, the team was able to take possession.  Once again, the ball was passed to Thump.  Once again, a traveling foul was called.

 

Thump fumed with indignation at the humiliation of it all. The crowd sat silently watching, daring not to incur Thump's anger.  The referee once again enforced the foul.  

 

Every one watched as Thump slowly lost his cool.  Swearing and cursing he accused the world of being against him. "All I have tried to do is bring good to this country and this is the payment I get?  A biased referee and the silence of my ungrateful followers?   

 

Mrs. Thump finally walked up to the frustrated president. "Obviously, you are too good for these people," she explained. "Why don't you just quit this silly game and we can go shop for a new pair of shoes."

 

"Of course," yelled Thump, "but don't think you all have heard the last of this."  

 

Thump finally left the auditorium, and play continued as if nothing had happened.  


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#30
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President Thump today announced that we was deporting 50 Hollstein cows back to the Netherlands.

 

"I am doing this to protect our national security," Thump explained in an Executive Order.  "It has come to our attention that the Dutch and ISIS have collaborated on a plan to turn Hollstein cattle into suicide bombers. Evidence for this is known only to me and cannot be divulged in detail in order to protect Wurfian intelligence assets."

 

Critics wonder if the sudden move came as a result of Thumps recent embarrassment before a Dutch basketball referee.  


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#31
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17523616_10154605404903869_8705981206433


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#32
caltrek

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(caltrek news) The world of the Wurfs was abuzz today as the prophet Exactly announced his departure from the public stage. His departure is said to have been triggered by a tweet from President Thump in which he made vague references to a moose and a squirrel.  Others speculate that perhaps the prophet had injested too much milk for some Hollstein cows. Sources traced the prophet's location to somewhere in Australia.  A version provided exclusiely to caltrek news is shown below.

 

 

 

O how foolish is the ignoble revealed in his pursuit of greatness! O how the folly of the mortal in hubris does manifest his own downfall, as he dares for a seat at lavatory of knowledge moste divine! O how you have fallen from the heavens, Lucifer Morningstar, Son of the Dawn, who once did fell nations! etcetera, etcetera...

  

Forgive me my fellow forum members. I have led you astray all this time. This month of April I have made thirty prophecies, in anticipation that by the time I had reached the final, the financial crisis of which I spoke since I came here would be clear to you all. But the global economy is fine.

 

Yes, the mighty Wurf nation is still chugging along at sprightly growth rate of, er, -7.7%. Retail stores are closing at record pace across the country topping levels seen in 2008, but this is fine. Wurfian national debt is bordering on zero as no bank in its right mind will lend funds to the kingdom of Wurf. Yet, the debt-to-GDP ratio is over 1,000%, but that's not a problem!

 

The mistake I made you see, was to assume the people of Wurf live on Earth like I do. It turns out however that they live on Neptune, where climate change doesn't exist and the apocalypse is good for business. They do have to come back down to Earth and face the music eventually, but I have given up trying to guess when that will happen.

 

Nobody needs someone spouting doom while the world of the Wurfs are in fact clearly heading for such a bright and sunny future. Whatever you do, don't take anything I say or do seriously ever, ever again, for I have failed you, and must now depart humbly with my tail between my legs. Just ignore everything I say.


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#33
caltrek

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(caltrek news) President Thump today came out with his new voting reform package.  This was in answer to critics who claimed that he had discriminated against women in his last set of electoral reforms.

 

As you all may recall, his immediate reaction had been "I can't help it if a lot of folks tackled women on their way to the polls and locked them in their cellars until after the election."

 

Suspicions had also been raised by the extremely high turn out in pro-Thump areas. For example, in the land of the Munchkins, the vote total turned out to be three times the total population of that province. Thump shrugged off those suspicions with explanations that the census must have simply under-counted the area.  This still did not account for the number of registered voters being well below the vote count.  Thump gave no explanation for that discrepancy. Others thought that the sudden influx of trolls may have been at the heart of the matter.

 

The electoral reforms are aimed at simplifying the electoral process. "There are simply too many candidates showing up on the ballot.  This is proving to be very confusing to the voters.  Therefore, I will personally screen the qualifications of all of the candidates and only allow those that I feel are qualified to run for election," Thump declared.

 

This brought howls of protest from groups representing the intellectual elite of the land of the Wurfs, which of course means that his proposed reforms will probably be enacted with little or no modifications.  Nobody likes a smart ass.  


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#34
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More trouble in the land of the Wurfs. This time the issue is foreign policy.  It is an ongoing debate about whether the Land of the Wurfs should be a client state of Russia, or a client state of the United Stats.  In his usual mood, Thump indicated that of course Russian was the way to go.  This was followed by an immediate press release from a Russian agency saying that they wished to not associate themselves in anyway with the prez.  

 

Thump followers then suggested enlisting the aid of the United States. This was followed by an immediate press release from the United States saying that they did not wish to associate themselves in anyway with the prez.  The U.S. proclamation was more emphatic, insisting that historic ties between the Land of the Wurfs and Russia argued for an alignment with Russia.  There followed an immediate response from the Russian agency, pointing out that more Wurfians had emigrated to the Untied States than to Russia, and that therefore  the Land of the Wurfs was an American responsibility.

 

Many more exchanges of insults, questioning of ancestry, and veiled threats followed from both embassies.

 

When asked to weigh in on the controversy, the prophet Exactly muttered some strange words about not believing in an afterlife.  When asked to clarify the prophet explained "I don't know if there is a hell.  All I know is that if it does exist, nobody there would want me to come visit."   


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#35
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20479709_647086868829339_641464238174188


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#36
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16298536_113073479206457_774418854679569


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#37
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(caltrek news)  -  Recent leaks have indicated that President Thump, Rocket man, and Dotard will meet in Nambia to avoid another bowling green massacre.  It is said that Obama will tape the entire event via microwave.  More at 11.


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#38
caltrek

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Wurfians Infiltrate Star Wars Conference

 

(Microwave captures photographic evidence)

 

https://www.facebook...Z_Z5KzE&fref=nf

 

 

21686013_1517594031663118_82514440616195


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#39
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21728234_826167770894439_782500629666650

 

Somebody on Facebook


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls


#40
caltrek

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22815180_1345959042192984_37016918933836

 

"But the Wurfian government certified that we were out of the flood plain."  


The principles of justice define an appropriate path between dogmatism and intolerance on the one side, and a reductionism which regards religion and morality as mere preferences on the other.   - John Rawls






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