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#761
Erowind

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[/thread]

 

TG, love is the of the noblest and purest forms of human expression that a human can ever experience. As visceral and devastating as it can be it is pure in the sense that love is truly selfless and altruistic in nature. If anything gives hope to humankind it is our ability to love, which is deeply tied into our ability to empathize. This said, love inexperienced is difficult to understand. I know this from my own experience in relationships over the past few years. If a breakup can be made with the flick of a wrist than it wasn't that deep or loving to begin with, only a form of infatuation. If a rejection throws one into turmoil where no relationship was even had, than only lust is found. In both cases love is nowhere to be seen, it's something greater than both of these things.

 

In any case there's no sense in overly troubling yourself over it. Guilt is a useless feeling, it accomplishes nor improves a thing and only serves to hold you back. Take whatever time you need to emotionally process whatever happened and then strive to be better and move on :)

 

If I completely misread this disregard everything I said. I'm trying to comment based on your grand writing style but I am tired and my puny brain is having trouble comprehending right now tbh. 



#762
TranscendingGod

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[/thread]

 

TG, love is the of the noblest and purest forms of human expression that a human can ever experience. As visceral and devastating as it can be it is pure in the sense that love is truly selfless and altruistic in nature. If anything gives hope to humankind it is our ability to love, which is deeply tied into our ability to empathize. This said, love inexperienced is difficult to understand. I know this from my own experience in relationships over the past few years. If a breakup can be made with the flick of a wrist than it wasn't that deep or loving to begin with, only a form of infatuation. If a rejection throws one into turmoil where no relationship was even had, than only lust is found. In both cases love is nowhere to be seen, it's something greater than both of these things.

 

In any case there's no sense in overly troubling yourself over it. Guilt is a useless feeling, it accomplishes nor improves a thing and only serves to hold you back. Take whatever time you need to emotionally process whatever happened and then strive to be better and move on :)

 

If I completely misread this disregard everything I said. I'm trying to comment based on your grand writing style but I am tired and my puny brain is having trouble comprehending right now tbh. 

 

Twas unrequited love

 

It's fine though. This is just a larger part of my overwhelming existential angst that has not left me since I graduated high school. 


The growth of computation is doubly exponential growth.

#763
Erowind

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[/thread]

 

[/thread]

Twas unrequited love

 

It's fine though. This is just a larger part of my overwhelming existential angst that has not left me since I graduated high school. 

 

Gotcha. I've been there, orbited a girl for two years that would flirt and even instigate "wrestling" matches with me. She'd get two inches from my face on purpose laughing up a storm as red as a tomato only to look me in the eyes and say, "this is wrong." The only reason I said what I did was because I thought I loved her only to realize I was only infatuated with her when a few years later I found someone who consciously wants to love me. Whatever positive feelings I had/have for that girl that played with my emotions that long the positive feelings I have for my current gf are amplified ten-fold and substantively different. 

 

But these things can be different for different people and I could be completely wrong. I feel you (not to the same degree I think) on the existential angst post high school. There are these nights where I can't get to sleep and there's this profound universe shattering feeling of dread hanging over my entire existence, its not a suicidal tendency, when it comes it's more layered, though, not more painful than that. Coming from someone who's felt suicidal before. I don't know what the solution is, eternalism has been a comfort recently but maybe that's my ego grasping at straws. Whenever I'm feeling like that I can tell myself that the good I've experienced is eternal and the people who mean the world to me will always be there beyond death and life as we know it. It doesn't make the feeling go away, but it helps. Hang in there <3



#764
Yuli Ban

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What a decade we've had this past week.


And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.


#765
wjfox

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Finally got my Internet connection fixed, after four months of problems.

 

I had three previous engineers here, all of whom were unable to do anything.

 

The main problem was multiple, brief disconnections each day – usually three or four, but sometimes 10 or 15, usually lasting a couple of minutes. Then, more recently, I had a dramatic slowdown in both download speeds (from 75 to 15mbps) and uploads (from 17 to 2mbps). So I finally got sick of it, and called yet another engineer.

 

This fourth guy, thank God, was able to isolate the problem today. It took almost four hours, and involved drilling holes through my studio wall and re-routing a data cable outside, over a wall, to avoid a nearby AC wire that was apparently interfering with the signal. After sealing the hole, and reconnecting everything, we tested the line and it was restored to being super-fast. And I haven't had any disconnections since he left.

 

I can't emphasise enough what a relief this is! A great start to 2020.

 

I'm getting random disconnects again. This is so incredibly depressing.



#766
Erowind

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tfw when you finally get you're sleep back together for the first time in months and you're exhausted at midnight but can't sleep because ibs is acting up and you're too bloated to lay down. It's real 22 year old boomer hours rn. It's real magnesium citrate hours. 

 

pray-for-me-cause-just-drank-this-and-it

 

Q2sdy6B.jpg



#767
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I survived. Trouble is I'm pretty hungry now, go figure that happens when your stomach is completely emptied. Ahh well I'll have a big breakfast, night everyone



#768
Outlook

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The buses in my town have been on strike since Tuesday. I like unions but I live 8km from school and its the middle of winter, why couldn't they plan this out for spring or summer. Mid January of all god damn months, making me walk 8km home in below freezing temperatures. Damn unions man.

Outlook's secret song of the ~week: https://youtu.be/GMYezR1cwFA


#769
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The buses in my town have been on strike since Tuesday. I like unions but I live 8km from school and its the middle of winter, why couldn't they plan this out for spring or summer. Mid January of all god damn months, making me walk 8km home in below freezing temperatures. Damn unions man.

 

I have a friend in France that I talk to, and she expresses the same discontent when it comes to strikes at inopportune moments. There are times when I feel like this turns off some of the more sympathetic members of the working class. 

 

On another note, I really want to become a more outgoing person sometimes; I'd especially love to discuss the topics of this website with people in real life at times. Then... I actually have to deal with people, and suddenly I'm back to being misanthropic. Should I stop giving a damn what other people (who are a-holes) think, and just be myself? Probably dumb to even ask here, but I wonder if anyone else faces the same dilemma? I just... want this decade to be worthwhile on a personal level for once, whereas the others where most certainly not. 



#770
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On another note, I really want to become a more outgoing person sometimes; I'd especially love to discuss the topics of this website with people in real life at times. Then... I actually have to deal with people, and suddenly I'm back to being misanthropic. Should I stop giving a damn what other people (who are a-holes) think, and just be myself? Probably dumb to even ask here, but I wonder if anyone else faces the same dilemma? I just... want this decade to be worthwhile on a personal level for once, whereas the others where most certainly not. 

Building confidence is hard and for whatever confidence I have it didn't come for me until I clicked with people who didn't bully me. Once I found those people the folks who did either drifted out of my life or got confronted over it and apologized. As for folks just not getting it, when people are engaging in good faith it's okay to disagree. If you want to find folks look for them, they're probably looking for you too. If you live in a major metro area radical bookstores and infoshops are good spots to find very interesting people and community events in my experience. Academic spaces too, if you're in school maybe debate club or finding the fellow philosophers in a philosophy class? Your location says New York. If you're in or near NYC post here if you want help looking for places. There's an overwhelming about of places to meet people in NYC. If you want to start small maybe try joining some discord voice chats on communities you like? Some of my best friends in the world are online friends. 

 

All in all, when people are assholes don't let them get to you if you can help it. More importantly don't let their crappy opinions stop you from doing things you want to do. 



#771
Jakob

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I've been formally accepted to the CS PhD program at the University of Wisconsin. The next few weeks will be pretty big as acceptance letters (and rejections) will be coming in thick and fast.



#772
Yuli Ban

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Man, remember January 1st, 2020? How bright and optimistic the new decade seemed? Those were the days.

xobkagxotot01.jpg


And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.


#773
Cyber_Rebel

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Despite( well warranted) doom and gloom, this decade still has potential be the launch-point to a better futuristic society. If nothing else, science will continue to march on. It's easy to look at all our many issues today, and not feel as if we've come a long way or better off "overall" than we definitely are. At least comparatively to the past.

 

Lets just make it past the stupid hiccups to the other side. 

 

 

Building confidence is hard and for whatever confidence I have it didn't come for me until I clicked with people who didn't bully me. Once I found those people the folks who did either drifted out of my life or got confronted over it and apologized. As for folks just not getting it, when people are engaging in good faith it's okay to disagree. If you want to find folks look for them, they're probably looking for you too. If you live in a major metro area radical bookstores and infoshops are good spots to find very interesting people and community events in my experience. Academic spaces too, if you're in school maybe debate club or finding the fellow philosophers in a philosophy class? Your location says New York. If you're in or near NYC post here if you want help looking for places. There's an overwhelming about of places to meet people in NYC. If you want to start small maybe try joining some discord voice chats on communities you like? Some of my best friends in the world are online friends. 

 

All in all, when people are assholes don't let them get to you if you can help it. More importantly don't let their crappy opinions stop you from doing things you want to do. 

 

 

I'm based upstate, in a post-industrial town only surviving/recovering on the college campuses & some local business that yuppie city brats pour money into. Considering a move into the city, it's just damn expensive and I'm uncertain about so many people & noise.  :mole: If I do make the plunge, I am definitely considering joining up with several groups like the DSA. & NYC also has some really big libraries and museums. A history nerd and obscure book reader like me can get lost for a day in each.  :yes:

 

I really do appreciate the advice though, as that has definitely been a life struggle for me. 



#774
Erowind

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/\ Another place to meet people I neglected to mention is through video games and board games in my experience. The majority of my friends aren't into intellectual or political pursuits. It's nice to be able to just stuff my face with junk food in a friends basement over some video games. Plenty of people play games, what's hard is finding good people who play games lol. I feel you on the noise, don't know if I could handle NYC either. I've got misophonia and this move I'm working on right now, though still in a suburban desert, is tucked even farther into the hills than my current house. 



#775
wjfox

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I've got misophonia

 

Just googled this, after reading your post. I think I might have something similar. I get really irritated and stressed by certain noisy environments. I wear earphones pretty much constantly in my office.



#776
Erowind

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I've got misophonia

 

Just googled this, after reading your post. I think I might have something similar. I get really irritated and stressed by certain noisy environments. I wear earphones pretty much constantly in my office.

 

For me its cars, certain metal noises like dishes clanking and some bodily noises like loud chewing. My personal care practitioner wanted to prescribe me an SSRI for it which I knew was a horrible misdiagnoses. I went to a neurologist because it didn't feel like a mental health issue. It's an autonomic response I don't have any control over. She diagnosed me with misophonia and treatment research is inconclusive on how to help at this time. Avoidance and down time away from trigger noises make it alright to be around them some of the time for me. Same with the headphones. I sleep with noise canceling headphones on because of all the traffic outside my window. Can't wait to be able to sleep without having headphones on in a few weeks!

 

On the positive side of this. I have some minor synesthesia too. Sometimes the font when I'm writing looks like every other word is italicized, or that certain phrases and sentences are bolded in thick black ink. When I draw on a touch screen using my finger with the phones sound off, I hear sound when I make a line on the screen. When I look at silent animations sometimes I hear music with them. 



#777
Erowind

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Waters shut off for more than 2 days for the 4th time this past year. If you count shutoffs for less than 2 days it's been shutoff well over 10 times in the past year. The plan as of right now seems to be to just let the pipes keep breaking and fix them as they do but this will only get worse over time. They're partially rebuilding some of the main lines in the city center and rewilding some wetlands to help with runoff but it's nowhere near enough to solve the problem. Pittsburgh's sewer system was built in the 1800s and is a combined sewer. They need to tear the whole thing up and start over. Most auxiliary pipes to homes are approaching 80-100 years too.

#778
wjfox

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My latest Thriva test shows an overall improvement in my health. I started it back in November and this was my 2nd blood test.

 

Cholesterol is somewhat high (see graph below), but everything else is good.

 

I really recommend this service if you live in the UK. Their website is awesome, really insightful and offers personalised advice. Customer service is exceptionally good, and the laboratory results are really quick (less than 24 hours).

 

Oh, and it's nothing like Theranos, so don't worry about that. By contrast, Thriva requires a larger blood sample, provides a smaller and more focused set of tests, and uses machines that are standard across the NHS.

 

If anyone is interested, I have some £25 discount vouchers. :)

 

 

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#779
Outlook

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.


Outlook's secret song of the ~week: https://youtu.be/GMYezR1cwFA


#780
TranscendingGod

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Oh, how I yearn to be a Slime
To live without reason or rhyme
To not have to worry about my next dime
Oh, how I yearn to be a Slime

Oh, how I yearn to be a Slime
To not have so much hunger I'd commit a crime
To not worry about when it's my time
Oh, how I yearn to be a Slime

Oh, how I yearn to be a Slime
To not have desires when I'm in my prime
To not feel the sting of poverty when I'm covered in grime
Oh, how I yearn to be a Slime

To be a human is such a distasteful thing
Nothing but harrowing ignominy full of sting
If I'm honest I'd rather be a Slime
But I'll make do- please God make me into a Lime
The growth of computation is doubly exponential growth.




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