News Ass

Anything that doesn't quite fit in elsewhere...
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Yuli Ban
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News Ass

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A thread for weird, wacky, unorthodox, and unusual news stories, news article titles, and thnigs that feel like they should be from the Onion but aren't.
News that makes you go "What the f*ck....?!"

(Re)starting with one of my favorite news stories of the past decade:

2017's suicidal security robot

Robot Security Guard 'Drowns Itself' In Water Fountain
A security guard robot has met a watery end in a shopping centre water fountain, prompting a social media storm of doomsday predictions about suicidal robots and Marvin-related humour.

The Knightscope security robot was patrolling the Georgetown Waterfront shopping complex in Washington D.C. on Monday when it apparently launched itself to its death.

"Our D.C. office building got a security robot. It drowned itself," one Twitter user Bilal Farooqui‏ wrote.

"We were promised flying cars, instead we got suicidal robots."
And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future
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Yuli Ban
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And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future
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Yuli Ban
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William Shakespeare, first man in the U.K. to receive COVID-19 vaccine, has died of a stroke at 81
William Shakespeare – the 81-year-old man who became the second person in the U.K. to receive a COVID-19 vaccine – has died.

Shakespeare, who goes by Bill, died of a stroke, University Hospitals Coventry and Warwickshire NHS Trust said, according to BBC News.

In December, Shakespeare became the first man to receive a dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, following 91-year-old Margaret Keenan, the first person in the country to get the shot. "It could make a difference to our lives from now on, couldn't it?" he said at the time. "It's started changing our lives and our lifestyle."
Image
William "Bill" Shakespeare, 81, receives the Covid-19 vaccine at University Hospital in Coventry, U.K., on Tuesday, Dec. 8, 2020.
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And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future
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Yuli Ban
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Better start paying VERY close attention to the nuclear launch codes
To near-Earth space
Maybe also the Pacific fault line

WHAT UNIVERSE
IN WHAT UNIVERSE WAS THIS WISE TO SAY
Only 'Armageddon' can stop Tokyo Olympics taking place this summer, senior official declares
Only "Armageddon" can stop the Tokyo Olympics taking place this summer, a senior official has declared amid mounting Covid-19 fears.

Dick Pound, a long-serving International Olympic Committee member, made the outspoken remark as one of Japan's largest newspapers called for the Games to be cancelled.

Asahi Shimbun, a respected title with a circulation of more than five million, launched a direct appeal to the country's leaders despite being an official partner of the Games.

However, Pound, a founding president of the World Anti-Doping Agency, told London's Evening Standard it was too late to stop the Games on July 23. “Organisers have now changed gears and they’re in the operational part of it," Pound said. "Barring Armageddon that we can’t see or anticipate, these things are a go.”

Japan would lose £11.3billion if the Olympics were cancelled, according to local economists. Yet Takahide Kiuchi, executive economist at Nomura Research Institute, says that that would pale in comparison to the economic hit from emergency curbs if the Summer Games turned into a super-spreader event.
GO POUND YOUR OWN DICK, DICK POUND

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weatheriscool
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Tennessee woman arrested for speeding through COVID-19 vaccination tent in protest, authorities say
Source: ABC News

The woman allegedly yelled "no vaccine" as she drove through the tent.

ByMorgan Winsor

A Tennessee woman was arrested this week after authorities say she drove her SUV through a COVID-19 vaccination tent, nearly hitting several people while yelling "no vaccine."

Virginia Christine Lewis Brown, 36, of Greenback, has been charged with seven felony counts of reckless endangerment. She was released on bonds totalling $21,000 and has an initial court appearance set for June 7, according to the Blount County Sheriff's Office. It was unclear whether she had obtained an attorney who could speak on her behalf.

The incident in question occurred Monday morning at a COVID-19 vaccination tent set up in the parking lot of the Foothills Mall in Maryville, a suburb of Knoxville. According to an incident report, two deputies from the Blount County Sheriff's Office said they were at the location when they saw a blue Chrysler SUV speed through a cone course, past the check-in area and then through the tent, where several health workers and National Guard personnel were preparing to administer COVID-19 vaccines. The vehicle did not stop and was traveling at a "high rate of speed," deputies wrote in the incident report.

"I have worked at this location multiple times over the past few months and the area is clearly marked with signs and cones to advise the public of the event," one deputy wrote. "The driving behavior of Ms. Brown, as she approached the tent and exited the tent towards the waiting area, caught my attention due to how quickly the vehicle was traveling through the area."




Read more: https://abcnews.go.com/US/tennessee-wom ... d=77937352
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Yuli Ban wrote: Thu May 27, 2021 12:49 am William Shakespeare, first man in the U.K. to receive COVID-19 vaccine, has died of a stroke at 81
William Shakespeare – the 81-year-old man who became the second person in the U.K. to receive a COVID-19 vaccine – has died.

Shakespeare, who goes by Bill, died of a stroke, University Hospitals Coventry and Warwickshire NHS Trust said, according to BBC News.

In December, Shakespeare became the first man to receive a dose of the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine, following 91-year-old Margaret Keenan, the first person in the country to get the shot. "It could make a difference to our lives from now on, couldn't it?" he said at the time. "It's started changing our lives and our lifestyle."
Image
William "Bill" Shakespeare, 81, receives the Covid-19 vaccine at University Hospital in Coventry, U.K., on Tuesday, Dec. 8, 2020.
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Just WTF.

-----

Comedy of errors in Argentine TV Shakespeare mix-up

8 hours ago

One man in his time really does play many parts, it seems, according to an Argentine newsreader who mixed up the author William Shakespeare with the first man to receive a Pfizer jab.

Canal 26 presenter Noelia Novillo announced that "one of the most important writers in the English language - for me the master" had died.

In fact it was his namesake, William "Bill" Shakespeare, 81, who died in a hospital in England earlier this week.

Shakespeare "The Bard" died in 1616.

However, that was news to Novillo who told her audience on Thursday: "We've got news that has stunned all of us given the greatness of this man. We're talking about William Shakespeare and his death. We'll let you know how and why it happened."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-57287764
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Jill Biden’s Ex-Husband: Joe Lied About Marriage to Cover Up Infidelity
Joe and Jill Biden

Alana Goodman • September 22, 2020 5:24 pm

https://freebeacon.com/elections/jill-b ... nfidelity/
Joe Biden lied about meeting his wife Jill on a blind date, and their 43-year marriage actually grew out of an extramarital affair, Jill Biden's ex-husband claimed in an interview with Inside Edition on Monday.

Bill Stevenson, who was married to Jill Biden from 1970 to 1975, told Inside Edition that he introduced Joe and Jill Biden in 1972, the year Joe Biden first ran for Senate.

"I was betrayed by the Bidens. Joe was my friend. Jill was my wife," Stevenson, a fundraiser for Biden's first Senate campaign, told Inside Edition.
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Yuli Ban
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wjfox wrote: Mon Jun 21, 2021 4:13 pm
And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future
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